Naked Fossils on Fire Island

Dozens of primitive horseshoe crabs can be found along Long Island's north and south shores but be careful of the jellyfish. Since the beginning of August, hordes of jellyfish have stung dozens of unsuspecting swimmers and boarders. Their presence is due, in part, to unusually warm ocean temperatures caused by global warming.

Fire Island with Mutti and sis in tow couldn't have been nicer this weekend. With miles of boardwalk, dozens of white sandy dunes, the call of seagulls and an 1857 lighthouse to explore, we found plenty to keep us from getting burned.

But then, while combing for seashells and sand dollars, we stumbled innocently into, or what we thought was, a nudist colony.

"Check out those jellyfish" I snickered to Mutti as a bare-breasted woman waded in the ocean in front of us.

Sis and I giggled thinking that she was probably just an average European traveler not privy to the customs of conservatism in the U.S. But then we discovered that her lack of modesty was no phenomenon. This was not unusual behavior but rather a designated area of Fire Island carved out for nude bathers.

Hundreds of brown bodies littered the white milky sands, most of them standing about talking to one another, others playing badminton or frisby. Old white-haired men stood erect (no pun intended) baking their butts off in the full monty while a few younger women kept their distance on towels and lawn chairs. No surprise, the number of men outnumbered women by 2-to-1.

Being German, sis and I were 'exposed' to European customs many moons ago but in this puritan country of ours, seeing bodies in the buff, comes as a shock to any system. And unfortunately, the many naked participants in New York do not follow any of the standards set by the self-respecting nudists on the Mediterranean.

Grandpa and Grandma have no business being on the beach, wrinkling up like a prune and neither does Uncle Vito, who has a beer gut so big it casts a shadow more useful than my umbrella. Rather than join the eye candy, Mutti, me and sis looked away in disgust.



Nakedness is clearly NOT for everyone, especially tattoo-laden veterans swilling beer and puffing cancer sticks. They and several other 'comedy of errors' were clearly there to google and goggle at the girls but local police patrols stay vigilant for inappropriate behavior.

Still, it's hard to imagine anyone under 50 years wanting to save their skin from tan lines by dressing down in front of the elderly. Age before beauty seems to be the mantra here and if it weren't for the jellyfish I bet all of them would be swimming in the ocean. That's another reason we really need to remedy global warming asap!