Top Ten Reasons I Know I'm Home

I love my family but coming home can be downright depressing. The town of Massena borders on the northern most point in New York State with Canada across the St. Lawrence river and empty farmland to the east.

What was once a thriving industrial town, a hub for descent, good-paying, blue-collar jobs and even tourism in the early 19th century for natural spring spas, struggles today with high poverty, inadequate employment, lack of continuing education and backward thinking.

So, here now, is a tongue-in-cheek top ten list for those who have little choice but to find their sense of humor in the tragedy of living in this or any oppressive upstate community.

Top Ten Reasons I Know I'm Home:

#10. The one McDonalds restaurant is so popular it has two drive-throughs.
#9. Public talk radio is mostly in French and high school hairbands rule the airwaves.
#8. Homeowners decorate their trailers with Christmas blow-up Santas and miles of lights weeks before Thanksgiving.
#7. Car garages and flag poles are twice as big as houses.
#6. Deer hunters on ATVs litter the landscape like yellow taxi cabs in NYC.
#5. Mention 'Mother Jones', Sushi or the Public Option in the local 'Guys Diner' and you'll be shot single-handedly at close range.
#4. Walmart, Walmart, Walmart.
#3. Bars on my cell phone flatline soon after the 'Welcome to Massena' road sign.
#2. The only place to see a movie (never mind an independent film or documentary) is the crumbling drive-in theater.

And the number one reason I know I'm home...

#1. My family makes me forget all of it and love that I have a home to come home to.